放手一搏？！

Wanted to write in Chinese but too bad that something wrong with my device! Give it a try or let it go? If believing that life's full with miracles, ya I'm sure I would always venture and challenge myself. But life only come once! Like my friend said, life is short, so don't care too much, let it go! The most important thing is you are happy. The thing is that, will I be happy if I just leave it like this? I'm not sure! What I'm sure is that I won't feel as bad and burden as what I'm having right now! Stupid thingy! Try or not try? Try, never regret! Not try, loser and regret when you missed it! Fucking bitch, always put me in this situation! I hate making decision, just like I hate you, Freak!

我乱了

How are you doing? I really miss you guys very much! The atmosphere we were sharing is the best moment I ever had, the laughters we made, I believe that they were sincerely came out from our deeply heart! Now, time has changed all the time, so do people change too! Not saying they are not cherish and loving each other anymore but we used to take the lovely sweet moments actions for granted! When one didn't do what they normally did to us, we would always feel that they changed. But do they really change? No I don't think so! They are still lovely as they were! They just treat you like more than a normal friend! More like a family you know! It's the time to be independent! No one can come to you and stay with you forever! Life is liked the train station! The moment you are in the train is the moment when you spending time with them! However everyone has different destination, they might leave the train earlier than you and new people coming in! Even though you might feel sad or can't bear to let them go, but I am pretty sure that you will meet them again in the somewhere one day! I'm currently in the university train! I'm heading to future! People lets move together and don't think too much! Since we can't do anything to change it, then we have to live it happily! Life is always amazing so don't panic!

说话

哈哈 看回去这一些 自己写的点点滴滴 发现到我写的都是不开心的 生气的 伤心的
人在低落时 真的可以把任何 人事物的错 都放大 怪罪在自己身上

有时候 真的不知道要如何拿捏好 开玩笑的尺度， 现在的我更不知道要怎样 和朋友相处!
有时我忘了 人家的点， 每次都把 快乐建筑在人家的伤害上，更不知道这点点 也就是他们的地雷

这次对了，有个好朋友当着大家的面直直白白地说给我听， 我也明白了我说话的问题!
我不介意 不代表 他们也不介意! 我太没脑了!

他这样说了我 真的伤我很深! 可是也让我明白了我自己长久以来的问题!
因为他把我当朋友 他才这样地说我 (这样想自己才不会这么伤心但 也没错啦，因为我们都应该不会去和不熟的人 说他的不是吧）

人都很奇怪 可以对外人很好，好到自己都会吓一跳! 可是往往地我们对爱我们的人 关心我们的人 态度就很差! 可能我们自己知道他们不会生气 不会离我们而去 我们就没多加理会他们的感受吧!

我错了 我应该对 爱我的人 关心我的人好! 对不起 和 谢谢你!

爸爸妈妈 安妮 朋友们 我真的很爱你们!

安慧在美国?!

在美国已经三个星期了！不可思议吧！在办这些手续的时候 都觉得不可能去得成的啦！
考完试 休息两个星期 就出发了！

刚来时 还很少Asian! 有点好像外星人的感觉！有像在美国！最近来了很多Asian, 慢慢地就平常了！有勇气 主动说话，打招呼！

这里看到人，就 hey, how are you doing! 或 have a nice day! Thank you. You're welcomed 之类的！
哈哈哈说了有点假 因为根本不想知道他们过的好吗 但不问又很奇怪 好像不友善！

问我还好吗？！我还不错 一开始不习惯的东西 现在都很 不以为意了！
就好像 一到这 就发现 他们的toilet 门缝 超大的！ 如果有心要往里面看，还真的可以看到里面的人在做什么！一开始真的吓了一下！

还有 我们的 shower room 是没有 门的！只有curtain! 好恶哦！ 今天哦 我冲凉出来的时候，一个女子 就这样地光溜溜的走出来！ 虽然都是女生，但好害羞啦，没看她 我就很快地走出去了！

享受生命的每一刻当下

I saw some posts regarding this title somewhere. I found it so true.

Life just come once, once you missed out something, it is hard to find it back!

I am almost 20. In these years, I realized that I actually didnt really work hard to get what i actually desired for.

Maybe because i live in this fortune family. My parents would always provide me what i want.
I am not really admired those rich wealth family, because it doesnt mean rich is good!

During the trip back to JB, i was the only passenger in Big Bear's car.
We talked about God would treat everyone fairly.

maybe some people are rich but their family would not be so harmony!

Maybe someone is good in studies, but he/she doesnt look good. LOL no offenses, just saying!

then i told him: "ya, just like you, may be smart and rich, but...you are slightly not handsome!"

 WE LAUGHED!!!

then I asked myself: " what about me then? ugly and not as smart as my friends around..... what god give me then?"

He told me:" You have a optimistic attitude!"
LOL

Somehow so true. I had seen through alot of reality cases happened around. I could take it, because I have been trained for 20 years.

I hate people comparing with me. But i do like comparing myself with others. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE!

You cant see that?!

People would always compare me with others who has higher capability.
But for me, in order to make myself feel better or comfort when I got smth bad, I would always compare people who are suffered more.

See how pity are they, in another way round, telling me Im still doing good.
When I got my result poor, I always see some people cant actually get into the university.

When I got my parents scold, I know that some people are actually looking for the parents' care.

I know, this might discourage me to move forward. Keep telling myself that I am good enough because im keep comparing with the lower one.

IT IS JUST TEMPORARY.
THIS IS THE WAY I ENCOURAGE MYSELF, where I can actually do better!

Did it work? I am not sure.

Just like, you cant drag the rubber band to the max at one time, as it will break off.

Same go to human!

Correct me, if this kind of attitude is wrong :)

幸福

刚考完 两张 自认很难的考试后 想来这 整理最近的心情

现在的我 感觉很 满！满意？又不是，很难说！可是是正面的心情

为啥我会说幸福 是因为 我每天 起来时都还看到 阳光

最近不懂是压力太大 还是怎样啦 恶梦连连

有一度 都不想睡了

可是这星期已经没啦，睡足8个小时！棒！

另一个幸福 很想分享 但很害羞 LOL

正在吃东西的你 可能要停一停！哈哈哈

就是啊 每天早上 都能很顺利地 把昨晚吃进肚子的东西 送出来

有时看到 其他人 为 肚子输送 问题 烦恼 就觉得 自己很幸运

好像有点白痴 哈哈哈 无所谓啦

来说说考试吧

目前考了两张， 还有两张

第一张时， 做到一半 剩半小时 就看到有一个人 很 冲忙地跑了进来

不懂他为什么 迟到，可是当 那个监考的老师告诉他 不能考试时

我超 难过的 想像如果那个人 是我， 我会怎样？！

不过还好他有原因 也得到了 允许 让他在我们考完后 才考！

今天早上 刚考完的那一张呢 让我感觉到了 友谊

有一个朋友 突然考完就走了 还提早 了 45 分钟

我就在想说 哇 这样快啊？！ （因为他平时是不待到最后一分钟是不会走的好学生）

哪里知道 我们一考完出来 才知道 他原来是跑去吐了

看他出来时 才发现 他很严重 冒冷汗 也把黄胆汁 给吐了

没力走路

其他人就在旁边看他 有什么要帮忙的

室友也跑回去 驾他车过来载他 *感动**

哈哈哈因为他过后还有考试嘛

这样的场景让我想起 我第一年 在学校住时 发烧两天~

痛苦不堪！也是 还好 有这一群朋友让我不觉得 那么的可怜

出门在外 真的是靠朋友

幸福！还有两张！ 加油 :D

Hilarious Phenomena

You know the awkward moment, when you have been told to keep the secret all the times, You tried so hard to not tell others the secret, end up is the protagonist exposed themselves. Not by telling or informing them. but from their behavior, as people around them can see or feel that there is something wrong.

How funny is it when the protagonist know that people already knew the secret, they will start blaming the one who tried so hard to keep the secret.

Haha sometimes, it is ridiculous that why keeping these secret. Im trying so hard to thinking back and put myself in their situation... What i can come out is that, maybe it isnt the right timing to tell?!

I am that kind of person who will only help people to keep the secret which would hurt their reputation and even dignity! Sounds so serious?! but maybe what i think isnt the same as what they think, so they might think it is very important and if other knows, they will die. From my view of point, most of the time, it isnt like that. haha

So what i can conclude myself is that. DONT EVER TELL ME SECRET, only do it when the secret is terribly horribly will hurt you.

九年了

刚刚 在温习时， 想起了 这天是你 离开的日子。

九年了，我二十岁了。

回想 以前的日子，眼睛就被泪水挡着了。

突然好想回家 抱着妈妈说 我好想你！

不知道 安妮是否还记得，就send 了一封 信息给她。

她说 还记得，时间允许的话 想和 yanmei 去看看你。

还说 如果你还在的话 你会很忙哦， 这样多的孙等你 疼！

时间真的过的很快 可是时间减不去 我对你的思念！

每当经过 以前的地方 都会看看一下， 回忆起我们小时候在那个地方 是怎样玩的！ 看到客厅 就想起 我每次到你家 后 就一直 睡觉 到 九点多， 也是你从pasar 回来 吃早餐的时候！

有时我没睡 就带我一起去 pasar买东西 吃早餐 然后一起回家！ 我怕 我怕去那间pasar， 我怕我去了 会很想你！

晚饭时 明明自己都吃得比任何人还来得快，可是还是特意要你喂我 。

爸爸妈妈 来接我们时，赶紧地帮安妮 收奶瓶！

她到十岁才戒掉 吸奶瓶的习惯! 超搞笑的！

我每次 放学回来 你都会 站在门外 开心笑着迎接我 ，

尤其是我在读幼稚园时。

有时你忙到忘了时间，你也会跑着出来接我。

就算你有了孙子，对我们的关心也不曾少过...

我和安妮 都很好！ yanmei他们也非常 幸福！你和uncle 呢？ 应该比这里好上几百倍！ 没有烦恼 开开心心地看着大家！

我还是很想你...再也吃不到 uncle最为你骄傲的猪脚醋！

Conflict with myself

Sometimes it is really funny to have conflict with myself. Im me! why do I still have conflict with my own self.

Truly funny.

But it made me feel bad recently.

I ought to behave like this, but i ended up doing it in another way.

What's wrong ya?

Why i just couldnt follow the ought rule.

The guilt feeling always come to me, right after I did it wrong.

Why I only realised everything after that.

Like, I should finish the stuff by today, ended up watching drama

Ohhh WTH~~~~

WC asked me, why being so emo recently?

I told her about this and she said it is common to everyone.

We have to go through it in order to understand ourselves more. Funny L.A.H.

The other side

Argh how wish i was the one with you guys on the other side of the web cam! I dont like to be alone while watching you guys having fun there. I wish i would be able to help, but i couldnt.

So nice seeing you guys making the blanket for her.

Yeah! Hope she will like it.

And cy stop complaining my clothes stink laa.

They had been kept in the storeroom for months.

What smell you expect uh?! hahaha

CY, sad laaa. We have been seeing each other everyday during form 5.

LOL sounds so wrong.

But now you are going to Sarawak, and i cant go back to meet you before you leave. How sad.

I will be leaving from Malaysia for some times. Again, we cant meet. I dont think we have any chances to meet anymore in this year. ARGGH, it is just March. How long yaaaa?! Hahahaa anyway, skype laaa! Wish you have a bright colourful study journey in Sarawak. Errr Sarawak or Sabah?! hahahaa whatever!

Career Fair

Oh my. Career Fair?!

I have been visited alot of education IT computer book fairs.

But the Career Fair, the first time ever.

The day before this fair, someone asked me whether im going to this event.

I was thinking in my mind.

WHAT IS THIS RELATED TO ME.

IT IS STILL EARLY FOR ME TO LOOK FOR COMPANIES.

Yeap, this is considered abit early for the first year student.

Somehow, today some of them were planning to go. So i decided to walk around, with a very casual mood.

Like shopping.

Hahaha what i expected is true. They are looking for 2nd or final year students.

Nothing to do with the 1st yeat students.

Anyway, walked around and experienced the atmosphere wasnt a bad thing.

There were quite alots of companies came to our campus.

But they seldom look for students who are in pure psychology.

Even something related to psychology, that wasnt what we are learning currently.

I could say all. Yes all of the companies which need psychology students, was about research.

YES, it made us happy for a few seconds. FINALLY. but it was only JUST a few seconds. seriously!

They need people who know how to run SPSS software and assist in their research team.

YES, sound so interesting.

But it is more on consumer's based. Not surprising.

Anyway, I felt abit miserable and worried after attending the fair.

It seem liked we have not much of choices in the near future.

Yeap, I know what Im aiming for. I know there are alot of opportunies out there. No worries. I feel so suprised that we are actually left not much of time before working as an office worker.

Wearing formal everyday, meeting with boss.

I dont think I can survive if working like this. It is so bored and not challenging. What challenges i meant isnt about the difficulty of task. but i just feel bore. Close the eyes and ears. Listen to your heart.

Appreciate

I saw my friend post this on her facebook.

"no man is an island..appreciate each other which is around you now..hehe.."

I was so curious about why should we appreciate someone who doesnt appreciate us. So i commented on her post

"what is the point of appreciate someone who doesnt appreciate you?"

And what her reply was really shocked me. The question that i never think of.

"first thing,did you show your appreciation to the person?"

I asked this question to myself. And I realised that I didnt.

What is now...

个性

因为 很难不去告诉 身边朋友 自己的心情 遇到的事！

所以就把心里遇到的东西 告诉了思豪先生！哈哈

也因为 我们之前 为了 st.john 的事意见不合 吵得很凶（那些也是很多年前的事了）， 所以他知道了我的个性

因为自己的 迟钝 和爱开玩笑 的 性格 会让很多简单 的事情 变得很复杂

当人家生气时 自己还没察觉到 开了玩笑，导致成见更深

为了不让自己的情绪不受控制 ，当我认真 要谈 解决 时 会压低自己的声音 和比较开朗的声音 说话， 他说我这样会让人觉得 我 很伪装 不认真

可是 如果我用 正常语气 谈时，人家会误以为 我是来吵架的

没办法 我声音 就是 天生 那么大声，有时我真的不能控制~

哈哈哈啊 最后他说了 尽量少来往 让这样的事 慢慢 过去！ 这样才能解了双方的杀气！

哈哈哈哈 用杀气好像 太.......! MAKE IT PEACE

记住啊　安慧！

朋友

我很好奇 对你来说 什么是朋友？

我认为 朋友 在你的见解里 应该 只是个词。。。

但在大部分的时间里 你应该 是把它 当作 个屁！

本来心情很不错的

有点懒懒的

但谢谢你

见到你 让我的 火马上烧起来

I am very awake now.

我不是小气 而是大气到~~~被你这样地对待

让我知道 你只是 个屁！

我已经很控制自己的情绪了

不要来和我说话

不然我怕 我忍不到！

Leave Me Alone

I cant stand the fake way!

I dont know how long i can act.

I lose the courage to talk to a liar.

SO PLEASE JUST GET OUT of my life.

If not you wont be safe too!

Dont try to evoke my anger

otherwise i will reveal your stupid idiot fake mask!

You are such a freak!

Freak me out seriously.

I ady met one bipolar depression!

Here you come another.

Dont ever let me hear the words from your mouth.

The bipolar You got nothing better than the liar.

YOU SHOULD FIND COUNSELLOR AND TALK ABOUT YOUR FREAK EMOTION PROBLEM!

Ohya, my friend is studying her counsellor program. Shall I introduce her to you?

I will convince her not charging you! Just take this case as her final year project. How do you feel?

BAKA!

以为 觉得

哈哈 我真的很讨厌 以为 和 觉得 这些字眼。

当 你为了这一个小误会 而说出 这样 的话 来质问 我时，我对你 已经 失望到底了。

这一年多来的交情 一瞬间 化作 屁 一样地 散去！

原来 这样 就能让你 这么样地误会 我，也就像 他们所说 的 这朋友 不交也罢。

算了 你这样 瞬间 让我 彻底地 了解 你 的个性。

Take it as a lesson. Never be a fool again.

亲手

亲手做的东西 真的 很不一样。

以前小的时候 觉得 卡片 很cheap 不喜欢

甚至有时还觉得 很 碍 地方

现在 长大了 才发现到 做卡片是最耗时的

不像 那些礼物 只需要 逛逛 shopping mall 就随手可得

当然 前提是 身上要有 $$$! 哈哈

去年生日时 收到了 卡片 很开心

久久拿出来 再看一次 都还会 大笑！

我也给 妈妈做了一张 生日卡

因为我的手工 一向都很差 所以还请教了weijeen.

回家时 问她说 :" eh， 我做的卡片呢？"

" 收起来了啦！"

开心！ 爸爸的生日也接近了...要开始准备！

Freshy

Realized that I stopped blogging for such a long period.

Uni life is not that easy and fun as i thought.

It is still fun but most of time it comes along with stress.

I treat stress as a motivator. DO I?

I love the way we live.

Come to update my current mood. I was shocked by the date of today.

I thought it is 3 April. aiks. I miss her so much. 9 years time, I couldnt believe it. Sis said want go pay a visit to her grave this year during Qing Min.

I doubt we can make it. She is ady back to the jungle place, started her new sem.

Well. maybe during summer.

Come to My 4th uncle. He is ady missing one year and more. Where the hell is he now. WE SERIOUSLY HAVE NO IDEA. He cant live alone in this realistic world! Be own hero. Dont depend on others. Dont take it as granted.